Depression

3 08 2011

Foreword:

This post is about what happens around you when you are depressed.. a quick view of the energies around us from a higher view-point ( I mean it’ll look like we are viewing the whole thing from a higher point of view like say the 4th floor of a building)

Base of the post:

I’m angry and upset.. I feel like the whole world has turned its back on me.. from morning, whatever I did only became messy.. how much ever attention I gave it, it only aided in making my day worse.. the amount of documentation I did in office was herculean.. but what did I get in return? Rework..! since the client side documentation format was different.. I had to redo a whole set of 15 different technical documents.. 2 of my team mates (out of 5 where the other 2 apart from me consist of my manager and senior manager) are on leave.. I can’t even get even moral support from anyone leave alone help.. I can’t help but sulk with my work and snap at people around me who belong to other teams.. how will they know what I’m going through? God Damn some of them are leaving by 6 30 bus.. I can’t even think of catching the cab at 9.

State of my mind:

Totally irritable.. feels like a live wire.. I’ll burn anything that approaches me to ashes..

My reactions to people around me:

I sulk while working.. I’m irritated with the squiggly red line MS office displays when I get a typo.. someone calls me for a break, I snap at them saying they don’t realize how much I’m stuck with this darn work.. I get hungry because my brain is at work copy pasting stuff from the previous copy I had drafted earlier. I get up push my chair, curse my side draw and frown at a colleague who tries to look at me.. and storm out of the ODC.

How my state of mind affects people around me: (View from somewhere above all this)

imagine that you and I are looking down at this entire scene from 2 floors above.. (we can look thru walls since its our imagination) I frown and snap at the colleague who called me for a break.. she feels odd.. since its not very normal for me to behave that way.. she gives me back a harder frown and leaves (she may have also been through a rough day)

my negative feeling affected her even more.. it made her feel worse.. now the fact that my snapping at her affected her is like a stone thrown into a pond of still water.. it makes many ripples.. some of them come back to me making me feel worse..

on the contrary, if I had obliged cheerfully, she would have felt good and her happiness would have flowed back to me when we shared a few minutes over coffee.. but certainly I would have felt better and who knows.. I could have asked her to spend time near my PC, so that I can chat while doing my work, which will not seem so burdensome.

Thoughts:

State of depression is nothing but a bunch of negative thoughts which we cling on to because we want to justify to our self that there is a reason that we are feeling sad.. and we hold on to it for so long and so much that it affects us so badly that we forget that we can actually let go of it and feel better.

there was a mail forward that I came across.. a man who addressed the public.. he told a joke, people laughed.. he kept on repeating it so many times that after a while no one wanted to laugh and some started giving him quizzical looks.. He spoke saying, how is it that we are not able to laugh over 1 joke again and again but we are able to hold on to one failure and weep over it for a lifetime??

Our negative thoughts (being sad.. anger.. anything) are like stones thrown into still water..  the more we throw negative stones, more negative ripples are created and it not only disturbs the pond, it also affects the shores of the pond.. our mind is like the pond of still water and the thoughts are like the stones.. if we throw stones of negative thoughts, it affects us and people around us negatively.. if we throw positive stones, positive thoughts and feelings come back to us.. so never let negative thoughts enter the pond.. even if they do, do your best to replace it with some or other form of positive thoughts.

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